Kareoke, and A Werewolf
by skeletoninme
Summary: With my Jacob version of Girlfriend, I took your advice and had Jacob sing it to Bella at Forks High. There is baseball bats, Fallout Boy, and dancing involved! READ AND REVIEW! Jacob was harmed in the making of this. I am not held responsible for deaths.
1. Baseball Bats are fun to hit people with

**You people told me to have Jacob Blech (Black) go down to FH (Forks High) and sing his version of Girlfriend to Bella.  
Well, there is a dance thing, with Kareoke, and he does this. It shall insue laughs.**

**Bella PoV**

"Edward Anthony! I do _not _want to go to this thing!" I yelled as my fiancee dragged me to the car.

"Yes, you do. You'll enjoy yourself. I promise!" Alice called behind me.

"_You. _YOU made this happen! Mary Alice Brandon Cullen! You will be in soo much trouble when I get my hands on you," I warned, while being shoved into the silver Volvo.

"You still love me though. And don't you even think about running, because I can and will catch you."

I gulped. "A little help here, Edward?"

He chuckled. "Alice, don't threaten her, she already knows."

I gasped."Oh, yea, a _lot_ of help!"

"Bella, please just go, we _promise_ not to kill you or anything, we just want to have fun," Edward said, dazzling me one again.

"Fine," I huffed.

"Bu-ut...You have to dance," Alice sang from the back seat.

"WHAT?! You said **_NOTHING_** about that fact!" I screamed. Alice and Edward both put their hands over their ears. "EDWARD! HANDS ON THE DAMNED WHEEL!"

"Bella, stop screaming. And we're here anyway," Edward said, climbing out and opening my door faster than you can say "moo".

-THE GYM-

As soon as I got back from requesting my song to the DJ, it started to play.

"This one's for Edward Cullen!" The Disc Jockey yelled, as Thnks Fr Th Mmrs started to play.

"It's our song," Edward said, putting his hands on my hips, as I put my arms around his neck, and we started to fast dance.

As I started to sway my hips quite fast, Edward then just looked at me, still dancing.

_I'm gonna make you bend and break  
(it sent you to me without wings)  
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll  
In case God doesn't show  
(let the good times roll, let the good times roll)  
And I want these words to make things right  
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life  
Who does he think he is?  
If that's the worst you've got, better put your fingers back to the keys_

_One night and one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Even though they weren't so great  
He tastes like you only sweeter_

_One night yeah and one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Thanks for the memories  
See he tastes like you only sweeter  
Ohhhhhh_

_Been looking forward to the future  
But my eyesight is going bad  
In this crystal ball  
It's always cloudy except for (except for)  
When you look into the past (look into the past)  
One night stand. (One night stand, off!)_

_One night and one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Even though they weren't so great  
He tastes like you only sweeter_

_One night yeah one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Thanks for the memories  
See, he tastes like you only sweeter  
Ohhhh_

_(They say) I only think in the form of crunching numbers  
In hotel rooms, collecting page-six lovers  
Get me out of my mind  
Get you out of those clothes  
I'm a line away  
From getting you into the mood (wa-ooooohhh)_

_One night and one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Even though they weren't so great  
He tastes like you only sweeter_

_One night yeah one more time  
Thanks for the memories  
Thanks for the memories  
See, he tastes like you only sweeter_

_One night and one more time (one more night, one more time)  
Thanks for the memories  
Even though they weren't so great (even though they weren't so great)  
He tastes like you only sweeter_

_One night yeah one more time (one more night, one more time)  
Thanks for the memories (for the memories)  
Thanks for the memories (for the memories)  
See, he tastes like you only sweeter_

_-Until Fade-_

"Damn, Bella! You _can _dance_!_"Alice squealed.

Then all hell broke loose.

The Gym doors burst open, and Jacob Black strode in. He went to the DJ, and Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend' to play, and it was kareoke. Oh, damn.

Jacob started to sing.

_"Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your boyfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your boyfriend_

_Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
No, it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your boyfriend"_

My mouth dropped open in shock. Edward looked royally _pissed off_. Same with Alice.

_"You're so fine I want you mine you're so delicious  
I think about you all the time you're so addictive  
Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright (Alright...)_

_Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious  
And hell yeah, I'm the mother fucking werewolf  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right (I'm right...)_

_He's a frigging vampire  
You could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about"_

"Oh. Mygod."

_"Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your boyfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your boyfriend_

_Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
No, it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your boyfriend_

_I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time  
again and again (Again and again...)_

_So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear  
Better, yet, make your bloodsucker disappear  
I don't wanna hear you say his name ever again (And again...)_

_Because..._

_He's a frigging vampire  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about"_

"What was he thinking?!" Edward screamed. "Saying vampire and werewolf!"

_"Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your boyfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your boyfriend_

_Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
No, it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your boyfriend_

_(Uh)  
In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in  
He's a frigging vampire, what the hell were you thinking?_

_(Uh)  
In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in  
He's a frigging vampire, what the hell were you thinking?_

_Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)  
I don't like your boyfriend (Yes)  
No way, no way (No way)  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)  
I could be your boyfriend_

_(No way, no way)  
Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way (No way)  
No, it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)  
I want to be your boyfriend  
(No way, no way)"_

By then I was ready to die. Jacob had the whole school staring at me.

_"(Hey hey!)  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your boyfriend (No way!)  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one (Hey!)  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your boyfriend (No way, no way)_

_(Hey hey!)  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me (Now way!)  
No way, no way  
No, it's not a secret (Hey!)  
Hey, hey, you, you (No way)  
I want to be your boyfriend (No way, no way)_

_Hey, hey!' "_

"Edward, go fetch me a baseball bat," I said, furious.

"Can do." And he took off.

Everyone was staring. _Everyone._

"WHAT THE HELL, JACOB?!" Alice screamed.

Edward came back with my bat.

"Do not think anything of what I am about to do before I bash out his brains, got it?"

"Got it."

I sauntered off towards Jacob with the bat hidden behind my back.

"Bella."

"Hey, Jacob. That was a nice little song you sung," I said coyly.

"So, what did the bloodsucker think?" He asked.

"Oh, him? I left him after you sang me that pretty song." I turned and saw Edward shaking with laughter. "See? He's crying."

"Nice one, Bells."

I stood on my tip-toes, and it probably looked like I was going to kiss him. "Don't you _ever_come to my school, sing, say werewolf, girlfriend, and vampire in the same sentence, or talk to the Cullens. Again," I said, and then I stepped back, and swung the bat. (**A/N: MUWHAHAHAHAHA! DIE JACOB DIE! Back to the story...) **It hit his head with a sickening _thwack _and bounced back. He hit the floor, moaning. "See, I remebered your advice. _"Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" _I told you I would remember." And with that I stalked off.

"Bella!" He called behind me, standing up and looking at me.

I flipped him the bird. "Go to hell, Jacob. And stay there."

**I love myself. This was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE! Read and Review! Or my evil band of vampire Edward Plushies will attack you!**


	2. Author's Note

**So, so, so sorry about making an authors note for a chapter. Heh.**

**_Well..._I have decided to make a series of one-shots for the 'Boyfriend' series. They won't always have Jacob Blech(Ew)(I spelled it like that on purpose) in them, but they will be funny as far as I can tell.**

**Oh, yea, I forgot about my Disclaimer. Be prepared, the discalmer will be long.**

**Disclamer: WHY OH WHY CAN'T I OWN THE TWILIGHT SERIES?! CAN SOMEONE LET ME KNOW IF THEY CAN GET STEPEHNIE MEYER TO GIVE THEM TO ME?! I COULD MAKE THEM EVEN BETTER! PLEASE?! Aw, fine. Be that way. I don't-cringe- own the -sob- Twilight -whimper- Series. THERE! I SAID IT! -Isabella Alice**


	3. EDWARD! LANGUAGE!

**Chapter 2, Edward's Reaction and some -cough- CHOICE WORDS-cough- A _little_violent and cussish...Oh to hell with it, Edward is PISSED OFF! Heh, he is going to cuss in French, and I don't think you should let children find what he is saying in French...German, Italian...Spanish...Meh.**

**Bella PoV**

Edward was waiting for me when I came back over, and he still looked pissed.

"Edward, calm down. Breathe. Inhale, and exhale," I said, trying to get the look off of his face.

Edward inhaled...

_'Come ON! EXHALE AL-FREAKING-READY!'_

(5 minutes later...)

Edward exhaled.

"Took you damned long enough, Edward. Now let's go before the cops come or something," Alice said, dragging him out the door.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. Hard. And leaned up against the Volvo. "Ce petit baiseur! Why I oughta...Tagli fuori della sua testa con un chainsaw, incidalo in su ed alimentilo al Newton del microfono!"

Alice looked appaled. "EDWARD! MY CARLISLE!"

I was confused. "What did he say?"

"You do _not_ want to know. And he said that in French and Italian so you _wouldn't_ know."

Edward started with the foreign obscenities again. "WAS WAR DAS BUMSEN ER DENKEND!?"

"Edward, _calm the hell down!!_" I screamed, taking his face on my hands. "And just so you know, that was a very obscene thing you just said. Yea, I learned German."

He looked ashamed. "Sorry, Bella...," he said, and then climbed into the car.

I sighed. Either Edward was losing it, or he was losing it. I pick the latter.

**Very OOC on Edward's part, but I had to.**


End file.
